The 7:49 Show With Fred and George
by dest-unknown
Summary: The Weasley Twins host a show! Interviews with all the characters! Surprise guests, musical appearances, etc. More drama than a Court Show! Rated T for safety.
1. Welcome to the Show!

_Hey guys! _

_To my returning readers: Thanks for sticking with me throughout all my stories (including the epic fails!) and I sincerely hope you enjoy this one! It's not as dark as others that I have written, but whether you like this or not I purely up to you._

_To my new readers: Salvete (Latin for "hello")! I'm sure you'll soon find that I'm a bit whacky after reading my stories, but hopefully you are too. If not, I'll probably end up soon converting you. Welcome to Crazy Town._

_Now, without further ado, please enjoy the story._

- 000ooo000ooo000 -

"And…welcome back! Here's your host…Fred and George Weasley!" the faceless voice booms over the crowd.

Fred and George run out onto stage.

"This is absolutely-" begins the one on the left.

"-spiffy!" finishes the one on the right.

"I'm Fred" says the left twin.

"And I'm George!" the boy next to him says.

Both boys step back and sit down in two of the three big, plush chairs that have been pulled to the center of the stage.

Fred starts. "Today, we have a special guest! Please give a warm welcome to Mr. Neville Longbottom!"

Neville nervously steps out onto the raised platform, surveying the crowd warily.

"Er…Fred? George? I know I told you I'd help you if you needed a favor, but I'd really rather not be on your pretend T.V. show. I get made fun of enough as it is…" he adjusts his shirt collar. "Where did you get all these people anyway?" He gestures at the audience. "I don't remember seeing any of them in classes."

George laughs lightly. "Oh, well…did we forget to tell you? See, this is being broadcasted live, Neville. And these people right in front of you," here he points at the eager spectators, "these amazing viewers pay to watch us give interviews."

"I love you George!" a girl screams from the third row. She attempts to jump over the people in front of her and falls on her face. Completely unfazed, she scrambles to her feet and lifts up her shirt.

"Sign my stomach!" She cries. George looks pleases, but does as she asks. He then motions to the hulking men standing at the wings of the stage and the security guards haul her out.

"You see?" asks Fred from his perch in one of the three chairs. "We are absolutely 100% telling the truth."

At that, Neville blanches and stumbles to one of the chairs.

"Er…could we get a bucket here? A bucket on Aisle One?" George looks fearfully at Neville. "We've never not told anyone that they were going on air…I guess that's the last time this happens!"

As if to prove his point, Neville pukes into the bucket as soon as it arrives.

"Um…commercial break!" Fred cries frantically, trying to save his new t-shirt from Neville-splatters.

"Right, we'll be back after these announcements!" George says. As soon as he thinks the camera is off, he dashes around, screaming "Run for your lives! Don't let the vomit get you! Aiiii!"

"Ahh…George? The camera's still on…" Fred is in hysterics.

"Oh. Please disregard anything you just saw in the last 10 seconds." He calmly tells the camera.

- 000ooo000ooo000 -

_OK, I hope you enjoyed it! That's just Part 1of the first interview, so don't think that I'm just going to leave you hanging! I'll update every other day/every third day. After Winter Break, no guarantees! _

_**PLEASE REMEMBER TO READ AND REVIEW! **__Yes, the little button right underneath this. Come on, you know you want to press it. Do it. Do it. I dare you._

_-Andiee_


	2. A Short Interview

_Wow! I got some absolutely fabulous reviews from that first chapter! Special thanks to: macymay201, who has been reviewing practically every chapter I've written! A million and one thanks! _

_I would also like to appreciate roseandchirs3 for being the first to review this story! Kudos to you!_

_And now, let us continue with our featured presentation…_

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"Welcome back to the 7:49 Show!" Fred yells. The audience winces as static screeches through the speakers. "Er. Sorry about that. Technical difficulties and such."

George grumbles from his chair. "Yeah, if by 'technical difficulties' you mean 'Neville SPLATTERED MY SHIRT!"

Neville cowers in the corner. "I said I was sorry! Anyway, it's your fault for not telling me that I would be on live television! How did you expect me to react?"

Fred sighs. "Alright, you two, break it up. George, next time we'll tell someone before putting them on the show. Neville, just try not to vomit next time, OK?"

George and Neville glare at each other with eyes full of malice. The audience surreptitiously shivers as the temperature in the room drops thirty-or-so degrees.

"Damn. I mean dang!" Fred hurries to cover up his mistake. "Thank god for the bleep button" he mutters. "I knew we shouldn't have installed that magical mood-changing thermostat!" he said, redirecting his attention to George.

"Oh, come off it, will you? It was a good idea at the time!" George retorted hotly (Get it? Hotly? Cold room? OK, I thought it was punny).

"Never mind George. We have to finish this interview, remember?"

"Fine." And just because he could, George gave Neville a noogie. Neville sighed, but knew better than to fight back with one of the Weasley twins. Who knew what kind of magical "joke" they had up their sleeves? So far he had heard of kids being punched in the face by random items, or suddenly sprouting boils all over their bodies- especially in the very uncomfortable places.

Fred and George quickly hurried over to their chairs and seated themselves on either side of Neville. George took the right, Fred took the left.

"So Neville, how's life been treating you?" Fred asked seriously.

Neville, obviously unaware whether or not to take him at face value, answered Fred haltingly. "Er…you know. Fine. I got married." He held out his left hand where a gold band glistened on the finger. "Hi honey!" Neville broke into a wide beam as he looked straight into the camera.

"Well, as mushy and heart-breaking as this is, we just ran out of time! So sorry." George interrupted.

Neville looked around, bewildered. "But…but we just started!" he protested feebly.

"Well actually, we started a while ago. You just—" George began.

"—used up all your time puking in that corner over there!" Fred finished cheerfully.

Simultaneously, both twins shouted "And that's it for the 7:49 Show! Come back next, with special guest star Luna Lovegood!"

The lights dim and the audience files out. Neville is left alone on a dark stage.

"Damn. Next time I won't puke."

- 000ooo000ooo000ooo000 -

_A/N: First off, I am apologizing. I know I said I would update in three or so days, but my life has been hectic! So so so so so so sorry! Please forgive me? =)_

_Anyway, hope you like this chapter. I'm just going to make them short, maybe 500-1,00ish words. _

_REVIEW!_

_(I'm hopingif I add enough exclamation points you'll just listen to me anyway!) ;)_

_-Andiee_


	3. Nargle Infestations

_A/N: Hello! I'm actually updating in a timely fashion! *gasp* I am honestly as surprised as you. ;) _

_Anyway, thanks to macymay201 (you awesome chica), Punzie the Platypus, snitchstar, Viera Grace (hope this chapter is long enough!), and InfiniteRainbow for reviewing. Thanks a ton!_

_Also, I'm going to do a bit of audacious plugging here: if you have read my story __A Girl Possessed __just know that the next update is coming soon! I am apologizing once again that it has taken me so long to update! *Begs for forgiveness on hands and knees* Please?_

_Another A/N: I was sort of a teensy-bit drunk-ish while writing this fic, so..I hope it doesn't show too much! Please forgive my lack of common sense; I don't drink often. Or at all, usually. So, pardon me if there is extra randomness and such in here. _

_OK, enough from the author! Let's get back to the show! =D_

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"—and you know, you really ought to do something about all the nargles in here. It's no wonder your ratings have gone down. They must be affecting your brains." The girl who was speaking looked sympathetically towards Fred and George.

Their mouths open in identical shock, George recovered from his temporary speechlessness first.

"Excuse me? Our ratings have not gone down! The audience loves us! See!" he gestures to the assembled people, most of which are half-asleep in their chairs. "OK, never mind. They're all idiots."

Suddenly, a barrage of tomatoes rains down on the unfortunate trio.

"Boooooo!"

Fred steps out onto center stage.

"I apologize for my brother's complete lack of brains. You see, he had this problem when he was just a wee baby. Poor thing just ate too much lead paint." He shook his head sadly, and the audience sympathized.

George scowled and made as if to push Fred out of the way, but the dirty blonde standing next to him absently stuck out her foot, sending him sprawling.

"Woops." She vaguely said. "Perhaps you should be more aware of your surroundings Georgey. Next time you won't trip."

George grimaced and cursed under his breath. Unfortunately, he was wearing a microphone so the audience could make out some of his words.

"Damn…Loony…don't want….gonna kill him…grr…." This went on for quite some time before Fred found it necessary to remind his brother they were live.

"And….here we are! Fred and George, or Gred and Feorge, at your service! Available for all your pranking and television hosting needs." Both twins winked at the camera in unison.

"Let's give a warm welcome to our special guest, Loony—" George gave a small cough, and Fred blushed. "I mean, let's welcome our guest _Luna _Lovegood. Absolutely nothing crazy about her folks. Nope, nothing at all."

This fact was somewhat undermined by the fact that Luna seemed to be talking to herself in the background, and also appeared to be counting something in the audience.

"Er…Loony? This is when you introduce yourself." George nudges Luna and she gives a start, obviously unaware millions of viewers are watching her from their tellies at home.

"Oh, yes, hello all. Fantastic to be here, right? Mmm…" she goes back to counting.

"Loony? Let's start off this interview with the questions I know everyone's been dying to ask you: Could you tell us what, exactly, you're doing?"Fred looks a bit manic as he asks the last part.

"Fred, we weren't _that_ interested!" George retorts, obviously afraid Loony will start another one of her ravings about nargles again.

"George Weasley! Nargles are a very important issue in modern society. The minister himself is most likely being affected and corrupted by their influence. I bet the wrackspurts are filling his head as well." Luna gives a somewhat suspicious look around the room.

"Anyway, I was counting the number of Blibbering Humdingers in this room. There are actually quite a few. You might need an exterminator. Daddy has a number of someone that specially takes care of infestations. I'll ask him for it."

George and Fred look horrified at the prospect of seeing Mr. Lovegood again.

Fred tries to salvage the situation. "Er, Luna, I think we'll be alright without the number. Don't go through any trouble for us." George nods his agreement beside him.

"Really, it's no trouble at all." Luna gives the twins a brilliant smile.

While George and Fred look on speechlessly, she starts speaking again.

"Well, I really must be off. Rolf, the twins and I are going on an adventure for Crumple-Horned Snorkack. It was nice meeting you all." She nodded at the assembled crowd.

Luna floats out of the room, leaving George and Fred dumbfounded once again.

"Um…that's it for our show?" George looked puzzled as he said the words.

"Yes. Well, in the extra forty minutes remaining of our show, you will be hearing classical music. Enjoy. And come back next time for our interview with Molly Weasley!" Fred yells.

"Wait, what? Mum is coming on the show? Oh, God. D'ya think she'll find out about the tattoos we got last year?" George asks earnestly.

"George. We're still airing."

"Fu*king sh*t holy d*mn muthaf*cka! Er…"

The lights dim, to the tone of Beethoven's 5th.

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_Haha, that ending made me laugh. Just wait 'til Molly comes on the show! Fred and George are sooo busted. _

_Hope ya like the story! Please read/review/love. =) _

_Five easy steps to review._

_Follow the line._

_Follow it._

_Do it._

_Listen to me._

_You know I'm right._

_(Apparently I need another step) Add your comment and share the love!_

_-Andiee_

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	4. Molly Weasley's Reign of Terror

"Welcome ba—"

"George Weasley! How dare you—"

"—To our show—"

"And _you _Fred Weasley! How _could _you let your brother get a tattoo?"

"Mum, listen—"

"Yeah, Mum, I got a tattoo as we—"

"Don't you even start with me! I watch your show! I know what you did!"

"Dammit, George. We really need to remember to turn the cameras off—"

"Fred Weasley! Are you _interrupting _me? And s_wearing _while you're at it? Well, you listen here- both of you! I'll give you a tattoo to remember!"

~0~0~0~0~0~0~

"Geo-George?"

"Don't…talk…Fred. It's too…painful."

"I have never hurt more in my entire life. This is worse than the time she caught us turning Ron's hair purple…"

"Worse than when she found out about Weaselys' Wizard Wheezes."

"Worse than when she found out we skipped half our classes in Fourth Year."

"Worse than the time we blew up half the house with our experiments and then had to fix it before Mum came home."

"When did we—"

"…."

"Oh, yeah…That was just last week wasn't it?"

"Fred, I think more than just the house was affected by that potion that exploded."

"Hey!"

"Oh shit. You know what I just realized, Freddie?"

"What George? You know, I'm still mad about that comment."

"Oh get over. It was a joke. Come on, you can take a joke, can't you."

"….."

"_Anyway, _let me get back to my tirade. Hem, hem."

"Hey! Don't bring back bad memories, Fred."

"Jeez, I didn't even think of that toad until you said that. Now will you please let me get back to my rant?"

"Fine."

"Thank you. Finally. Oh SHIT! I just realized. The cameras are still on."

"Wait, that's your rant? All of that trouble for _cameras? _You appall me, brother."

"No, George. I was going to rant about something else entirely. But I just realized that if the cameras are still on…then everyone saw what just happened and what we said…"

"So, you're saying that everyone saw us get our asses handed to us by our mother?"

"Er… no. Well, that also. But Mum just found out that we blew up the Burrow."

"Shit."

"I know."

"How long do you think we have before she Apparates?"

"!"

"Well Georgie, I'd say we have a good two seconds' head start."

"Shit."

"Hell."

"Damn."

"Iheard thatyoutwo! Just wait until I find my wand!"

"We are—"

"—so dead."

~0~0~0~0~0~0~

"Why, George? Hwy did you have to say anything?"

"Don't worry Fred. I've learned my lesson. I will never underestimate the power of an angry Molly Weasley again."

"Hmmmph. You can say that again."

"I will never—"

"It was rhetorical, idiot."

"Oh. Right. Hey, Fred? Do you get the feeling we're forgetting something? Something important that was supposed to happen today?"

"Nope. Now let's get home so I can heal these bruises and watch Netflix and never leave the couch again."

"I love Muggle inventions."

"Me too, Gred. Me too."

****You know what? I don't even know. I figured Molly Weasley would give her children the smack-down if they ever hurt themselves (with a tattoo) or the Burrow (by…er…blowing it up =) ). So, there you have it. My crazy-ass mind. Really, I don't know where it goes sometimes.**

**Oooh. A couple of things before I forgot. **

**First, as per usual, some shameless pimping. I am rewriting my story, A Girl Possessed, so check that out as soon as the first chapter's up. Which it should be, soon. Just look for "A Girl Possessed: Official".**

**Second, look up Frank Dillane. My lord, that boy is hot. And I'm not even Catholic. ;) Seriously, he is amazing. He played Tom Riddle, Jr. in the Half-Blood Prince. Wooot! **

**Third, I am trying to update my stories more consistently. I know, I know, I say that every time. But this time it's for real! It's almost the end of school (2 and a half months!) so I will definitely be using homework time for Fan Fiction. LOL, I'm such a procrastinator. Speaking of, I need to start my homework. Toodles!**

**Don't forget to R&R&A (Read, Review, and Alert)**

**~Andiee****


	5. Pickup Lines Part 1

****Alright, my delightful readers. I like this chapter better than the last, so you're in for a treat. Well, actually next chapter will be better. I think. I haven't written it yet. You know how these things go. =] **

**Have an awesome Siant Patrick's Day to all those Irish out there, or just anyone who wants to get completely wasted. Hats off to you. LOL. **

**Disclaimer: Fred and George belong to J.K. Unless they want to belong to me. I think I could arrange that…*waggles eyebrows***

**Love you all, and don't forget to review!****

"And here's a short little sketch we like to call….Pick-Up Lines!" Fred yelled excitedly.

George continued "While scrolling through a strange Muggle device called a computer—"

"—Internet!"

"—anyway, while looking through this 'Internet', we—"

"—my brother and myself—"

"—found some pick-up lines specifically geared towards Wizard folk like us!"

"Now, we don't know _how _Muggles know about our existence, but rest assured that the Ministry will track them down and Obliviate them! We solemnly swear!"

"Now, back to the pick-up lines. Today we have two—"

"—fabulous young ladies here with us today—"

"—so please give a warm welcome to Angelina Johnson and Katie Bell!"

"These girls don't know that they're on live television, so we've decided to recreate a popular Wizarding pub, and "hit on" the girls there. Watch closely, and it would be extremely beneficial to all if you took notes."

"Watch and learn, ladies and germs."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Oh my Merlin, Katie? I didn't know you would be here today!" Angelina cried as she nearly suffocated her friend and former Quidditch teammate in a bone-crushing hug.

"Mphhh…"

"Hmmm…?" Angelina finally noticed that her friend was slowly turning purple. "Oh. Right. Sorry." She blushed.

Katie, who was finally breathing again, replied, "No problem. But I'm really surprised to see you here. I wouldn't peg you as the type of person to hang out at the Witch's Brew."

Angelina frowned. "Yeah, same here. Well, for you, I mean. Gah! I give up. I didn't expect you here either!" By this time, both girls were in hysterics, and many witches and wizards (actors that Fred and George had hired) were staring bemusedly at the girls.

After they finally got their laughter under control, the two appraised one another seriously.

"No really, Angelina. Why _are_ you here?" Katie asked. The two friends hadn't met up in a while, so they thought it was just dumb luck that they happened to bump into one another. They didn't know that other forces (cough, cough, Fred and George, cough, cough) were at play.

"I have no idea. I just had this strange urge to out. I figured I would stop here before doing some shopping. What's your story?" Angelina teasingly asked her friend. By this time, both girls had snagged a couple of bar stools at the counter, and were signaling to the bartender to fix them a drink. The young man handed them their respective glasses, but when they tried to pay, he waved them off.

"No. Those two men over there have already paid for your drinks. They told me to send you over." With a wink, the bartender was gone, most likely off to find some other costumer to wait on.

The girls looked bemusedly at each other, then at the two young men sitting at the table that the bartender had gestured at. Shrugging in unison, both girls picked up their drinks and walk over to the table.

The man on the left had sparkling green eyes, and light blonde hair, while the boy sitting across from him had dark brown hair and deep grey eyes. The man with blonde hair introduced himself as Sam, and his counterpart was named Smith. Although neither Katie nor Angelina knew it, the two men were actually Fred and George in disguise. Fred was playing Sam, and George was playing Smith.

"Well ladies," Fred- Sam- began, "what are two pretty young things like yourselves doing out in a bar?" he waggled his eyebrows for effect.

Before the girls could reply, Smith was speaking. "Yeah, when I said 'Accio hotties!', I didn't expect it to work!"

The girls stared at the two boys, slack-jawed. They had known the pair for all of 60 seconds, and already the boys were flirting shamelessly. Katie and Angelina looked at each other, and smirked. They knew _exactly_ what to do.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Meanwhile, the boys silently communicated between themselves (with the help of an old spell they had used many times for pranking at Hogwarts). _Uh-oh_, Fred communicated. _I don't like that look they're wearing._

_Me neither._ George responded. _Maybe we shouldn't have done this…_

Before they could finish their silent conversation, the girls turned back to them. The evil delight on their faces was foreshadowing for both boys as they anxiously gulped. What had they gotten themselves into?

****Voila! Two updates in one week! Either I'm truly inspired by my reviewers, or I have way too much time on my hands ;) Just kidding! It's the reviewers of course!**

**Plus, I'm really excited! I'm getting a dog tomorrow! woot! It's an Australian Shepherd, and I really want to name it Lord Voldemort. I'm trying to convince my mom, but no luck yet...I'll keep trying. It's either that or Marvolo. (I'm a Tomione fan.) =]****


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